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Chapter 18

In which we contemplate some insurmountable obstacles

Not every man is a good candidate for female domination, nor is every difficulty amenable to its beneficial effects.Let’s look at some problems we can’t solve, so that we’ll know better than to try.

Retarded ejaculation

Any man in sound physical condition can masturbate to climax in just a couple of minutes when he’s alone, but a few-a very few-find it difficult to reach orgasm with a partner.These men are said to suffer from retarded ejaculation.The details vary.Most have difficulty with one particular mode of stimulation-vaginal, oral or manual.Some can’t come at all unless they’re alone; others can, but take inordinately long.
There are two head trips that underlie retarded ejaculation; any given sufferer may be troubled by either or both.In one, the man perceives ejaculation as a defilement, usually of himself, sometimes of his partner.Men who worry about self-defilement see women as dirty.They won’t perform cunnilingus and are likely to vomit if forced into it.Their reluctance to ejaculate is most pronounced during vaginal intercourse. Men who worry about defiling their partners perceive themselves as dirty; generally they have more difficulty with fellatio than with vaginal intercourse and more difficulty with vaginal intercourse than with manual stimulation, though it’s not readily apparent how much difficulty they have with fellatio because they won’t admit to trying to come in a woman’s mouth.
It may seem that the Loop ought to be able to coexist with such feelings, even predominate over them, but that’s not what happens.Remember, this isn’t your average man, but one so disgusted by his own or his partner’s genitalia and secretions that his disgust kills his ability to respond even after he’s aroused.That’s a lot of disgust, and it doesn’t leave much room in his head for anything else.Besides, ordinary arousal is half the Loop, so anything that inhibits it will shut down the Loop as a whole, even if the other half-embarrassment-is fed at the same time.

The other possible head trip may be a surprise.The man can’t come because he’s too embarrassed. Really!Some men are like that!Instead of being turned on by the embarrassment of being unable to control their arousal, they’re embarrassed into unresponsiveness, just by the awareness that a woman is present.Such a man can reach orgasm with a partner only by tuning her out-if indeed he can reach orgasm with a partner at all.Obviously you can’t lead him into the Loop.An attempt to do so will not only fail, it will make his problem more severe; and the damage will persist.
Retarded ejaculation is rare.If you’re young and unmarried, and change partners with ordinary frequency, you have about as much chance of encountering a case of retarded ejaculation as of winning the Utah State Lottery.That doesn’t help, though, if you’re married to a man who suffers from it.If the condition is already part of your life, that’s the reality you have to deal with.

My advice is simple. Don’t use the techniques in this book on a man who suffers from retarded ejaculation or on a man who has been successfully treated for it.Even if his problem is disgust rather than embarrassment, you’ll fail.If his problem is embarrassment, or a combination of embarrassment and disgust, you’ll make the condition worse.If he’s been successfully treated, you’ll trigger a relapse. Because of the high emotional charge associated with the feelings that underlie retarded ejaculation, your partner may be less than truthful if you ask him its cause.He may tell you that the inhibitory processes in his head are different from anything I’ve described, or that his problem is physical when he knows it isn’t.You may then deduce, quite reasonably, that while an attempt to apply my techniques is unlikely to succeed, it can at least do no harm.Don’t try anyway.There’s a good chance that embarrassment is part of his problem, or even all of it, regardless of what he says.Maybe he’s too embarrassed to tell you.Maybe he thinks you’d be offended by his embarrassment because you’d take it as evidence of undeserved distrust.If his parents are religious fanatics, they may have raised him to be so chronically guilty and embarrassed about everything, he isn’t even aware that that’s what he’s feeling. No matter what he says, no matter how much you may like the idea of enslaving him, don’t take the chance.You’re sure to fail, and even if you might succeed, the risks are too great.

Childhood abuse

If you try my techniques on a man who was sexually abused as a boy, his reaction is likely to be extreme.In some cases, he’ll respond with uncommon enthusiasm. In others things will go just dreadfully.Your efforts may trigger flashbacks, panic and dissociation (a feeling of depersonalization and psychic fragmentation that’s difficult to appreciate if you’ve never experienced it). In the short term, such reactions inhibit your partner’s erotic responses.In the long term, they make him uncomfortable with you-wary. Not the sort of thing that builds a pleasant relationship.
If you have an intimate knowledge of your man’s history, you can judge whether it includes anything that will make for a bad reaction.The phrase sexual abuse by itself doesn’t mean much.The prevention, detection and prosecution of child sexual abuse, and the repair of its damages, have become such a growth industry, it now seems everyone is a survivor of abuse;if your partner is an exception, there’s a licensed professional somewhere who, for a sufficient fee, will open up his head and implant the necessary memories.I’m not going to argue this.I’m outnumbered and outgunned, and I’ve already made enough enemies by saying that gentle rape happens by mistake, so I’ll concede the obviously absurd point that every sexual transaction involving a person under